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[May. 26th, 2009|03:22 pm] |
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i hope my grandfather is okay. i hope he doesn't have to suffer. I love him so much. |
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[May. 5th, 2009|02:21 pm] |
Zack, I love you and I always will.
I've spent these past few weeks in a daze, mostly reminiscing about things. I received my time capsule from Wilkes-Barre Academy in the mail. It was sad, hilarious, and wonderful. I'm not ready to grow up, I'm not ready to experience the loss of people i love throughout my life.
I went to Radio City Music Hall to see DARK WAS THE NIGHT and it was truly an amazing experience that I will never forget.
this one is for you, Zack. |
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[Apr. 16th, 2009|08:59 pm] |
i love conor oberst with an undying passion. i am going to go see every one of his shows that is close to me this summer. i really want to hold up a sign that says "i understand that this is really weird and awkward but will you kiss me right now?"
you're sexier than ever.
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[Apr. 15th, 2009|07:08 pm] |
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everything you do makes me want to cry. |
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[Apr. 6th, 2009|09:50 pm] |
there's one person i can count on to be the best in the entire universe. hint: oh no it comin.
lately I've been acting very self-righteous and entitled. I also feel like I don't have to listen to anyone, I hate being told what to do, I hate people with power trips. I hate highschool.
I miss my grandfather. I love him more than anyone in the entire world. I just want to hug him and kiss him forever. The next year is probably going to be an uphill battle. I'll be strong and I'll keep a poker face for him like he has always done for me. He's always kept his front in lieu of pain, in lieu of sadness, in lieu of anger or frustration, in lieu of intense stress.
He is my absolute role model. There is a picture of him on my dresser that I look at every morning. Him in a straw hat sitting on his porch, reading the newspaper with a cane by his side. My man. There isn't a human on this earth that I could love more.
I'm want to stay right here at this point forever. Although there are many thing that I would change in my life right now: I'm not sure if it gets any better than right now. I am satisfied, i am content, I am sad, I am young, I am a mess.
I really don't think I would have it any other way.
I wouldn't.
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2009|03:55 pm] |
last night my dad hugged me and told me how much he loved how and how much i mean to him. it was the most crucial moment of this year and maybe my life. that single confrontation may have changed the direction of the path i was about to embark on. i've been so angry, rebellious and resentful.
if you feel like you need to tell someone you love them, if you feel like someone close to you is really upset, if you know someone is going through a rough time, if someone is alone, if someone is sick, if someone is lost, if someone is mourning, make the difference. love them |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 31st, 2009|07:26 pm] |
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it's funny how everyone tries to be so philosophical in their livejournals as if no one has thought of what you're saying before, and that it's really cool and others will think so highly of your realizations about life and self. neato, no one cares |
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[Mar. 21st, 2009|03:53 pm] |
i saw old friends last night, met some new people, and overall had a good night. today i woke up really happy, and today is going to be a good day. right now i'm in the mood for a relaxing beautiful wonderful nap so ciao
   
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[Mar. 18th, 2009|04:31 pm] |
it's 63 and sunny. i'm going to be 18 in 3 weeks. I am also making a tattoo appointment sometime this week. i'm also finally getting my damn license on my birthday. i'm growing up. everything feels really good.
different. i feel confident with who i am at this point, which is a feeling i have never exactly experienced.
I'm graduating from highschool in just 3 months, maybe even less. I'm so excited to begin a new chapter in life, and with it all, continue to love the people who i am close to.
"i took off my shoes and walked into the woods
I was lost and found with every step I took"
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 8th, 2009|06:23 pm] |
why is it that I put up with things that only make me want to rip my hair out? why is it always, at the end of everything. okay, that you just constantly fight and don't give up, just keep proving the dumbest point until we both end up screaming at each other. is it because i like being called mean names? is it because i like being so angry that i can't even breathe? is it because i like being annoyed?
is it because i know that it will probably happen tomorrow, too?
is it because i love you? |
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[Mar. 6th, 2009|04:55 pm] |
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and by the way, conor oberst is the hottest man in the entire world |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 6th, 2009|04:03 pm] |
i really don't feel like putting up with the bullshit that goes along with dating a dude who is in a local band in wilkes-barre pennsylvania. not just like "local-band" but you know. THAT scene.
it's about preference, and my life.
i'm starting to view myself differently. I'm more confident and sure of who I am, as opposed to the terrible "teenage turmoil" that I went through throughout highschool. from dying my hair every color imaginable, going along with the cool crowd, changing opinions 24/7, being a terrible friend, moving from group of friends to group of friends, i feel fucking good, and it's about time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 4th, 2009|04:17 pm] |
went for a nice breakfast at friendly's with anna, we didn't get iss (knock on wood) and now i think i am going to go run on my treadmill.
i'm sick of fighting with you. i know i make no sense, most of the time there is nothing i am trying to prove. i'm just fucking fighting because i want to fight. i'm sorry about that, it's probably the reason why you're so insane right now.
tranquility is nice |
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[Mar. 3rd, 2009|04:14 pm] |
school's a joke. made is apparently coming to my school. i'm probably going to piss my pants- maybe i'll try to get made into like a professional hockey player or a sk8boarder or something crazy like that. or a RAWK STAR
anyway, my house is awkward. i guess i'm apathetic towards it right now- how it appears to other people. i need to shave my legs. i'm going to the gym with anna. don't laugh.
bye |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 2nd, 2009|08:54 pm] |
you're so far away and i miss you so much. i am so regretful for what i did, even though i don't know if i should be. i just want you to love me, i feel like something is missing so bad. i wish you could just hold me and tell me you love me, tell me that you're proud of me, and that you really want things to be okay. but, hence the saying....
anyway. i also do not know how many ways i am going to have to go about this, but i do not fucking care about you. you have a really fucked up perception of yourself and others, it's kind of weird, actually. i don't understand it. also i don't understand why you insist on certain things that i continually tell you are not the way you think them to be. you think that I am lying. oh, okay. neat-o. anyway, just please get the picture soon because i don't fucking know how long i can deal with this. with you. i'm sick of the way that you judge things, considering it is the exact polar opposite of how you claim to view things. you never listen
so fucking useless.
anyway, i dropped my phone in the toilet. 1 week of having it. i was pissed but not surprised in anyway.
i just love talking to my buddy anna all day and laughing our butts off at the weirdest crap. i bet we are really weird to everyone, but i really don't care, and i like it that way. makes me too happy to be a girl |
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[Feb. 24th, 2009|03:45 pm] |
i'm so lucky to have people who love me and friends and people who care. thank you so much it makes a world of difference in my life and my situation right now, it's ridiculous. i feel so much better now that i didn't take my concerta today. day 2 of being at home- it's not bad, i have been so distanced.
at least anna and i gained 9,000 pounds today and went through the most awkward situations ever. i hate myself sometimes but i guess it's worth a laugh |
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[Feb. 23rd, 2009|02:58 pm] |
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this has been the hardest weekend of my life. where do you go when nowhere feels like home? it has never been so hard to fight off tears in school, to concentrate, to anything. |
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[Feb. 11th, 2009|01:50 pm] |
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I've been delusional for the past few days with a ridiculous fever and terrible headache. i'm guess a lot of other people are going through what I am right now, everyone is sick. it sucks. i thought i was going to die |
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[Feb. 8th, 2009|09:55 am] |
i hosted last night at rodano's and made 10 dollars an hour. maybe it isn't that bad, i think i'm starting to like it. maybe soon i will be able to work more than 1 day a week, oh well.
i am going skiing today with my dad, he's making me. oh well. i'll just listen to beyonce all day |
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